Hey hey! The Onion Praises the Cats

[NUCat320]

Or, whatever.

Northwestern Fans Hopeful Hazing Scandal Means School Finally Getting Serious About Football

EVANSTON, IL—In the wake of several turbulent weeks in which multiple former players filed lawsuits against the school and head coach Pat Fitzgerald was fired, Northwestern Wildcats fans reportedly expressed hope Friday that a massive hazing scandal meant the school was finally getting serious...

www.theonion.com

“At press time, visibly distressed fans of conference rival Purdue University told reporters that they feared their team wasn’t engaging in the kind of hardcore hazing necessary to compete with a serious team like those sick f*cks at Northwestern.”

 

[thewildcat2011]

I wish the writing was funny. 🤷🏻‍♂️

 

[NUCat320]

I wish the writing was funny. 🤷🏻‍♂️

This is the correct response.
Any publicity is good publicity, but this one is weak, and late.

 

[Eurocat]

Also in today's issue -

Michael Oher Traded To Different White Family

MEMPHIS, TN—In a bold move they said would give their franchise a much-needed reboot, Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy announced Friday that Michael Oher, the former offensive tackle and their quasi-adopted son, would be traded to a different white family. “Oher has earned a distinguished record with...

www.theonion.com

 

[IGNORE2]

Or, whatever.

Northwestern Fans Hopeful Hazing Scandal Means School Finally Getting Serious About Football

EVANSTON, IL—In the wake of several turbulent weeks in which multiple former players filed lawsuits against the school and head coach Pat Fitzgerald was fired, Northwestern Wildcats fans reportedly expressed hope Friday that a massive hazing scandal meant the school was finally getting serious...

www.theonion.com

“At press time, visibly distressed fans of conference rival Purdue University told reporters that they feared their team wasn’t engaging in the kind of hardcore hazing necessary to compete with a serious team like those sick f*cks at Northwestern.”

Nice play with the story. If it was Harvard or Duke FB, we would all be laughing. Good take.

 

[IGNORE2]

Also in today's issue -

Michael Oher Traded To Different White Family

MEMPHIS, TN—In a bold move they said would give their franchise a much-needed reboot, Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy announced Friday that Michael Oher, the former offensive tackle and their quasi-adopted son, would be traded to a different white family. “Oher has earned a distinguished record with...

www.theonion.com

Also good. Might have to start reading the Onion again.

 

[CatManTrue]

Or, whatever.

Northwestern Fans Hopeful Hazing Scandal Means School Finally Getting Serious About Football

EVANSTON, IL—In the wake of several turbulent weeks in which multiple former players filed lawsuits against the school and head coach Pat Fitzgerald was fired, Northwestern Wildcats fans reportedly expressed hope Friday that a massive hazing scandal meant the school was finally getting serious...

www.theonion.com

“At press time, visibly distressed fans of conference rival Purdue University told reporters that they feared their team wasn’t engaging in the kind of hardcore hazing necessary to compete with a serious team like those sick f*cks at Northwestern.”

 

[Purple Pile Driver]

Or, whatever.

Northwestern Fans Hopeful Hazing Scandal Means School Finally Getting Serious About Football

EVANSTON, IL—In the wake of several turbulent weeks in which multiple former players filed lawsuits against the school and head coach Pat Fitzgerald was fired, Northwestern Wildcats fans reportedly expressed hope Friday that a massive hazing scandal meant the school was finally getting serious...

www.theonion.com

“At press time, visibly distressed fans of conference rival Purdue University told reporters that they feared their team wasn’t engaging in the kind of hardcore hazing necessary to compete with a serious team like those sick f*cks at Northwestern.”

Hardy Har Har.

 

[villox]

Wow. I’m glad The Onion finds the sexual abuse that the greatest coach in Northwestern history let happen to be funny. Maybe they should go back to their day job of pretending the moon landing happened or bashing the second amendment by claiming there’s “no way to prevent this”. #smdh #onioniscanceled #shrekisloveshrekislife

 

[CatManTrue]

Wow. I’m glad The Onion finds the sexual abuse that the greatest coach in Northwestern history let happen to be funny. Maybe they should go back to their day job of pretending the moon landing happened or bashing the second amendment by claiming there’s “no way to prevent this”. #smdh #onioniscanceled #shrekisloveshrekislife

Meh. Poor effort.

Your “Fitz should be reinstated” post was such better Turkish trolling. We need more of that around here these days, because fans still wanna know.

 

[PurpleWhiteBoy]

Wow. I’m glad The Onion finds the sexual abuse that the greatest coach in Northwestern history let happen to be funny. Maybe they should go back to their day job of pretending the moon landing happened or bashing the second amendment by claiming there’s “no way to prevent this”. #smdh #onioniscanceled #shrekisloveshrekislife

Its satire!

The Onion article claims that NU students are excited because the hazing incidents prove that NU is taking football seriously now. Thats kinda funny.
It also pretends fans of other teams are worried that NU is going to improve at football because of the hazing. Thats kinda funny too.
It also makes it clear that they think NU's "hazing" is pretty standard at all the good football programs. I find that interesting.
I don't see where it makes light of the incidents whatsoever.

I still remember the days when the Onion bold enough to have "Nixon In Hell" as its lead story after he died.

 

[CatManTrue]

Its satire!

The Onion article claims that NU students are excited because the hazing incidents prove that NU is taking football seriously now. Thats kinda funny.
It also pretends fans of other teams are worried that NU is going to improve at football because of the hazing. Thats kinda funny too.
It also makes it clear that they think NU's "hazing" is pretty standard at all the good football programs. I find that interesting.
I don't see where it makes light of the incidents whatsoever.

I still remember the days when the Onion bold enough to have "Nixon In Hell" as its lead story after he died.

They’re pretty bold. They’ve also made fun of our hospital. I think it’s the Madison / Badger influence.

Northwestern Hospital Apologizes After Accidentally Switching Couple’s Baby With Random Man In Emergency Room

Hear the unbelievable story of a couple who thought they were leaving the hospital with their newborn baby, only to find out years later that they had actually been sent home with a 63-year-old man named Jeff.

www.theonion.com