The story behind this creation stems from my posting days at CardsTalk, a web forum hosted by the St. Louis Post Dispatch devoted to the St.Louis Cardinals, my hometown team growing up in The Lou. I eventually was banned for posting a picture of Bin Laden fornicating a goat, but that is a different story.
CardTalk makes WR forum look like a Mensa gatheirng. I am not a red-tinted, jort-wearing, Cardinal Fan. I think the whole "best fans in baseball" thing is asinine. But I cavorted with this crowd like Glades cavorts with strippers. A bit like scratch and sniff, I guess.
We had one poster, Moxie, who defies description. He was the most condescending, arrogant, and insulting poster imaginable--and utterly brilliant in his trolling. He is pictured in the upper right corner, in his tower, looking down at ALL beneath him.
Moxie had gift for insulting posters without mentioning them directly, and in a display of incredible fortitude, never ever responded to any posts.He simply noted in closing "not chat" or something akin to that.
Moxie's only "real" discussion partner was a tortoise colored cat named Roscoe, who apparently would teach himself the oboe while Moxie mused and posted. If Moxie had something to see, he would often say it to Roscoe, or sometimes through him.
...See Roscoe! Now you got them chatting what with that Miranda thing you chummed in there. I told you they would never make the connection to Carmen Miranda, and you wanted to use Lupe Velez. This is a narrow crowd Roscoe, very narrow and must be nurtured. Hell, they are probably wondering now what Miranda's BA was and debating whether Velez was an infielder or a plumber's helper.
...Clear the bridge. First Officer report to Captain's Quarters.
...Chatting lamp is OUT!
As you can see, Moxie took a dim view of Cardinal fans, and spent a fair amount of time also critiquing the organization. He referred to the Cardinal diaspora as "The Stupids" who were gawking passengers aboard a ship, the SS Blind Homer, piloted by Cards GM John Mozeliak (pictured in front), Owner Bill DeWitt, and Manager Tony LaRussa (rear), whose charity work with animal rescue was well publicized. Sometimes, Moxie would make a pithy observation about roster management and exclaim "Aaaaiiieeeee!" as if something new were found when in reality he felt that front office was always a step behind.
Moxie also poked considerable fun at former Cards slugger Mark Mcgwire (lower right corner), whom he christened "The Red Hermit" for his publicity-shy ways after the Andro scandal and his retirement.
...How unexpected? Of course the fact that posters loyal to and even paid by agencies of Cardinal management have been appearing in various guises on CardsTalk for years has never been a mystery. But now the Goold person, has outed himself in a desperate grasp for readership[ by making appearances on the board. And surprise! Slavish fawning readers are stumbling over themselves to congratulate what him on what they perceive to be incisive reporting on the innards Cardinal spring training. Of course these same souls couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat.
...And then! And then! We are family has taken an all-embracing turn what with the Duncussa lad taking fielding tips from Larry Walker, and, and, aieeee! hitting tips from, from, from, Ta Da! THE RED HERMIT! What HIT tips indeed might the boy be learning? Hey Coach McKay, Get Weimer and work on that boy with the workout manual. Hey! One cannot invent this stuff. Call it voluntary community service.
...Roscoe would so enjoy this pending debacle.
...Not chat!
Moxie was right about a lot of things. During Walt Jocketty's time as GM, he and "Duncussa"--Moxie's derisive name for Tony LaRussa and pitching coach Dave Duncan and their tendency to reclaim faded pitchers, the Cardinals largely pursued a strategy of buying distressed assets. It worked for a bit with guys like Woody Williams, Scott Rolen, Kent Bottenfield, but then turned sour when guys like Brett Tomko, Kip Wells, and Mike Maroth were brought in to pitch.
After several years of this, free agent ace AJ Burnett became the object of Cardinal fan affection one offseason. Cards Talk crackled with excitement. The one day, some guy posted "I just saw Burnett at the airport!" That was the thread title. Within 10 minutes, the thread was 6 pages. In the pic above, the airplane festooned with "AJ Air" is making its final approach into Lambert.
I don't remember what prompted me to create this paean to Moxie and CardsTalk. It was a long time ago. But it's all true. One cannot make this up.
