In rough order of age, here’s some quarantine content I‘d recommend for each of our signal callers, present and future.
Green: TikTok videos. Old Man Green needs to keep up with what kids these days are watching. I hear that if you get to the end of TikTok, you get an extra year of eligibility.
Ramsey: 2019 BC offensive tape. If I see one more goddamn 3rd down draw play, I’m out. In case you feel the same, burn all 2019 NU film.
Johnson: Tony Robbins tapes. Dude gets a mulligan for last year, but now needs to prove to us and to his teammates he has the power to awaken the Burreaux within.
Smith: The final season of Lost. Like a certain someone else on this list, Aidan needs to learn to let go - let go of the ball, and of his position on the depth chart. A true team player for the beating he endured last year, but it’s time for an ambiguous ending that leaves more questions than answers.
Marty: Tebow and Taysom Hill tape. Wouldn’t it be a nice to have that kind of offensive weapon? A guy can dream. Any chance the secret is Mormonism? Somebody get the missionaries on Marty right away!
Whittaker: Trey Burton and Jordan Reed tape. Face it, dude’s a TE now, and former QBs have found success at the position. By all accounts, he’s fully embracing his new role and helping Carl get a leg up. Plus, lots of opportunity to grab playing time in the not-so-super backs room. He’ll need to beef up, so add Supersize Me, but with with the health disclaimers edited out.
Richardson: Justin Herbert tape. You may think this is based on height, you’d be right, but this is also a bookworm comparison. Dude can GPA with the best of them, but needs to add some zip. Herbert added zip as he progressed, and look at him now. Quack quack.
Sullivan: Ben Roethlisberger HS senior lunch room tape. Sully’s got size, but he’s a stick. So was Big Ben at his age. Maybe adding 60 lbs would be a bit much, but you get the drift. Also, stay away from motorcycles and Lake Tahoe celebrity golf tournaments.
Bonus: Coach Jake: Marie Kondo. Too many fannies for not enough seats in the QB room. If it does not spark joy, next man up. Can’t afford to allocate playing time based on seniority. More of a peeve for the WR/TE rooms, but applies here too.
Green: TikTok videos. Old Man Green needs to keep up with what kids these days are watching. I hear that if you get to the end of TikTok, you get an extra year of eligibility.
Ramsey: 2019 BC offensive tape. If I see one more goddamn 3rd down draw play, I’m out. In case you feel the same, burn all 2019 NU film.
Johnson: Tony Robbins tapes. Dude gets a mulligan for last year, but now needs to prove to us and to his teammates he has the power to awaken the Burreaux within.
Smith: The final season of Lost. Like a certain someone else on this list, Aidan needs to learn to let go - let go of the ball, and of his position on the depth chart. A true team player for the beating he endured last year, but it’s time for an ambiguous ending that leaves more questions than answers.
Marty: Tebow and Taysom Hill tape. Wouldn’t it be a nice to have that kind of offensive weapon? A guy can dream. Any chance the secret is Mormonism? Somebody get the missionaries on Marty right away!
Whittaker: Trey Burton and Jordan Reed tape. Face it, dude’s a TE now, and former QBs have found success at the position. By all accounts, he’s fully embracing his new role and helping Carl get a leg up. Plus, lots of opportunity to grab playing time in the not-so-super backs room. He’ll need to beef up, so add Supersize Me, but with with the health disclaimers edited out.
Richardson: Justin Herbert tape. You may think this is based on height, you’d be right, but this is also a bookworm comparison. Dude can GPA with the best of them, but needs to add some zip. Herbert added zip as he progressed, and look at him now. Quack quack.
Sullivan: Ben Roethlisberger HS senior lunch room tape. Sully’s got size, but he’s a stick. So was Big Ben at his age. Maybe adding 60 lbs would be a bit much, but you get the drift. Also, stay away from motorcycles and Lake Tahoe celebrity golf tournaments.
Bonus: Coach Jake: Marie Kondo. Too many fannies for not enough seats in the QB room. If it does not spark joy, next man up. Can’t afford to allocate playing time based on seniority. More of a peeve for the WR/TE rooms, but applies here too.