What do you call an epic saga about epiphytes?
The Bromeliad.
I will be here all week.
The Bromeliad.
I will be here all week.
OT: Nerdy Joke
- Thread starter Hungry Jack
- Start date
What do you call an epic saga for curmudgeons?
The willy-ad.
The willy-ad.
Willy, Florida and Wrassler walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the three guys clad in purple and says, "what'll it be boys?"
Florida goes first. "I'll have a Sex on the Beach as it suits my style."
Wrassler goes next. "I'll have a Screwdriver as my friends think I'm screwy."
The bartender looks at Willie. "And you sir?"
"Whiskey Sour. Double."
Florida goes first. "I'll have a Sex on the Beach as it suits my style."
Wrassler goes next. "I'll have a Screwdriver as my friends think I'm screwy."
The bartender looks at Willie. "And you sir?"
"Whiskey Sour. Double."
Actually, it would be kind of fun if we had an Intelligent joke of the week day.
So we would choose a day of the week that is often slow in the off season, let's say Wednesday, and someone would share an intelligent joke and the rest of us would comment or confess that we didn't actually get.
Maybe not.
So we would choose a day of the week that is often slow in the off season, let's say Wednesday, and someone would share an intelligent joke and the rest of us would comment or confess that we didn't actually get.
Maybe not.
Why not? Nerd humor has always worked here. See you Wednesday!
Three ropes walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and shakes his head.
The first rope approaches the bar and says "gimme a beer." The bartender replies "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here."
The second rope bellies up and commands "double whiskey, neat." The bartender sighs and says, " Sorry, no drinks for a rope like you."
The third rope steps forward and says, "Bartender, please pour me a shot of 1851." The bartender straightens up and says in a steely voice, "YOU ARE A ROPE, AND WE DONT SERVE ANY ROPES. PERIOD."
The third rope recoils and then twists into a frenzy, his hair gets spiky and disheveled, and his body winds around itself.
He yells, "YOU DONT SERVE ROPES YOU, DONT YOU?? WELL, I'M A FRAYED KNOT!"
The first rope approaches the bar and says "gimme a beer." The bartender replies "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here."
The second rope bellies up and commands "double whiskey, neat." The bartender sighs and says, " Sorry, no drinks for a rope like you."
The third rope steps forward and says, "Bartender, please pour me a shot of 1851." The bartender straightens up and says in a steely voice, "YOU ARE A ROPE, AND WE DONT SERVE ANY ROPES. PERIOD."
The third rope recoils and then twists into a frenzy, his hair gets spiky and disheveled, and his body winds around itself.
He yells, "YOU DONT SERVE ROPES YOU, DONT YOU?? WELL, I'M A FRAYED KNOT!"
Yes, intelligent jokes are for Wednesday. These can be done anytime.Intelligent and it's for wednesday?
Courtsey of big bang theory last week
Heisenberg is speeding down the highway and gets pulled over by a cop. The cops says "Did you know I clocked you going 85 MPH?" To which Heisenberg responds "Great, now I don't know where I am."
Heisenberg is speeding down the highway and gets pulled over by a cop. The cops says "Did you know I clocked you going 85 MPH?" To which Heisenberg responds "Great, now I don't know where I am."
As an NU grad with a degree in economics, here is my (marginal) contribution:
A solar physicist, a mechanical engineer and an economist are stranded on a desert island, with only several cans of beans as food, but no way to open them.
The solar physicist says he can handle things, and starts calculating the size of a pit and the angles of its sides to perfectly focus the sun's rays to create the necessary heat to burst open the cans.
The mechanical engineer says he has a better approach, and starts designing the trajectory and speed necessary to launch the cans out of the lone palm tree so they open upon impact with the island's lone rock without damaging the contents.
The economist waves his hands and says "Hold on, hold on. You are both over-complicating things. First, assume we have a can opener...."
My version...
A scientist, an architect, and an engineer are all up for the same position at a university. The Dean looks at them all and says "Gentlemen you are equal in all aspects. Since this is a technical position, we will have you solve a technical question. The one with the closest answers gets the job." They all nod. The Dean points at the tallest and oldest tower on campus. "Come back here tomorrow at this time and the one of you that is closest to telling me the height of that tower will get the job."
24 hours later, they are standing in the Dean's office. The Dean queries the scientist. "What is the height?"
The scientist answers "approximately 112 feet."
Startled, the Dean replies "Impressive. How did you get that number?"
"I went to the top of the tower with a bag of ball bearings and dropped them one at a time. Each time measuring how long it took to hit the ground. I averaged the answers, made an assumption of losses due to air friction, and calculated using the universal g of 32.2 ft/sec/sec."
"You are an honor to your profession. Well done." He then turned to the architect. "And you?"
"112 feet 6 inches." The architect replies.
"Amazing!" Says the Dean. "Your method?"
"I measured the first, second, third, and top floors. Noted that all floors after the first were the same floor to ceiling height. It was wood construction. At the time it was built wood was rough cut, ceilings and walls were plaster, and floors were wood. Using industry standards for the day and an assumption about roof structure, I was able to come up with that figure."
The Dean looks at the Engineer "I am afraid that it is going to be hard for you to beat that one. What is your height?"
The engineer looks at the other two "I got 112 feet 6.25 inches."
The Dean's mouth dropped open. "That is exactly right! The job is yours. How in earth did you get it that close?"
"I asked the janitor."
A Guernsey cow walks into a pub and bellies (udders ?) up to the bar.
It's close to milking time so she's feeling a bit full.
"Bartender, may I have half a pint glass of ale?" she asks nervously.
"You may not," replies the bovinae behind the counter, "we only serve Whole Steins"
It's close to milking time so she's feeling a bit full.
"Bartender, may I have half a pint glass of ale?" she asks nervously.
"You may not," replies the bovinae behind the counter, "we only serve Whole Steins"
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender ,"How much for the beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"
A buzzard with two dead rabbits boards a plane. The Stewardess says 'sorry, no carrion.'
A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks if he has any luggage. The photon says 'no, I'm traveling light.'
Just shoot me.
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I am not sure I have ever read a thread to my wife until this one.We are only going to do this on Wednesdays, right?
Actually, I'm loving this thread.
Point taken, I had better dumb myself down.
A skeleton walks into a bar and says 'I'd like a beer and a mop.'
A skeleton walks into a bar and says 'I'd like a beer and a mop.'
Being a trained scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were to break wind inside the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.
Sophocles decided to give up writing fiction because the pay was terrible, so he took a job as editor of the Athens Picayune Tribune.
One day, some workers rebuilding the facade of the Parthenon caused a massive structural failure, and the whole front of the building collapsed. Amazingly, no one was hurt, but it created quite a mess.
The next day, the headline of the lead story read "Edifice Wrecks."
One day, some workers rebuilding the facade of the Parthenon caused a massive structural failure, and the whole front of the building collapsed. Amazingly, no one was hurt, but it created quite a mess.
The next day, the headline of the lead story read "Edifice Wrecks."
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