I found this on our post game thread. It’s pure gold:
I’m so tired. I’m tired of going into every Northwestern game thread in the first three quarters and seeing the same god damn thing.
“What is going on here?!?!?”
“Will the cats actually score some points this year?”
“Best QB recruit in our history”
“Fitz's team looking spooky.”
“This is the game they improve the playcalling!”
Guess the ****ety ****ing **** what. No they ****ing don’t. They don’t got it. This is NU. There is no happiness on offense. We will not pull it out. We will leave it in there and the next thing you know you’re 33 years old with two kids, living in a three story house in Deerfield with a mahogany bathroom door because your interior decorator picked it out while you were drunk in Winnetka, married to a semi-retired personal injury lawyer from Highland Park, and a beer belly the size of a KEG OF HAMM'S BECAUSE YOUR DAD NEVER TAUGHT YOU HOW TO AVOID SEC SCRUTINY AT YOUR INVESTMENT BANKING JOB and also THE OL COITUS INTERRUPTUS.
And dont bring your chaos gods bullshit up in here. CHAOS ISNT USING TWO QUARTERBACKS TO PASS FOR LIKE 5 YARDS. Your chaos gods have forsaken you. THREE AND OUTS ALL THE TIME in heartbreaking and brand new fashion every time is your new god.
Ya wanna know what it’s like being an NU football fan? It’s like getting ready to have sex with a girl and she slips your dick out of your pants, starts to blow you, then yanks the zipper up on your pants as hard as she can. And then says she also got herpes from MICK MCCALL'S ****ING PLAYBOOK.
THERE IS LITERALLY NO POSSIBLE SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES THAT COULD GET OUR OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR FIRED.
Don’t tell me it’ll get better. don’t tell me how to feel my feelings. I don’t want to hear “but you have such nice new facilities and do so much with limited talent.” I don’t want to hear about how I just have to wait for a good Quarterback recruit. I DID MY WAITING. 25 ****ING YEARS FOR HUNTER JOHNSON. CLAYTON THORSON DIED FOR THIS. JUST TO PUNT THE BALL ON EVERY SINGLE DRIVE BECAUSE WE CAN'T MAKE ANY PLAY GO FOR MORE THAN 3 YARDS.
One day I’ll die and the misery of being an NU fan will be over. I’ll be walking to take my place in heaven, I’ll get 10 yards from the pearly gates, full of bliss and happiness with all my suffering over, there will be sweet calming music, and then all of a sudden from out of nowhere I’ll hear old, decrepit Mick McCall sigh and say, “The play is QB roll right, get ****ing sacked” The music stops, dread fills my stomach, everything turns dark. Just then, a bright light shows up and Fitz appears. I feel the warmth again, everything will be alright. He leans forward as if to tell me something wonderful and whispers almost inaudibly, “RPOs are the purest form of Communism” then kicks me right in the dick and shoves me off the edge to fall into a dark room with my eyes taped open to watch this ****ing game on repeat for the rest of eternity.
I’m so tired. I’m tired of going into every Northwestern game thread in the first three quarters and seeing the same god damn thing.
“What is going on here?!?!?”
“Will the cats actually score some points this year?”
“Best QB recruit in our history”
“Fitz's team looking spooky.”
“This is the game they improve the playcalling!”
Guess the ****ety ****ing **** what. No they ****ing don’t. They don’t got it. This is NU. There is no happiness on offense. We will not pull it out. We will leave it in there and the next thing you know you’re 33 years old with two kids, living in a three story house in Deerfield with a mahogany bathroom door because your interior decorator picked it out while you were drunk in Winnetka, married to a semi-retired personal injury lawyer from Highland Park, and a beer belly the size of a KEG OF HAMM'S BECAUSE YOUR DAD NEVER TAUGHT YOU HOW TO AVOID SEC SCRUTINY AT YOUR INVESTMENT BANKING JOB and also THE OL COITUS INTERRUPTUS.
And dont bring your chaos gods bullshit up in here. CHAOS ISNT USING TWO QUARTERBACKS TO PASS FOR LIKE 5 YARDS. Your chaos gods have forsaken you. THREE AND OUTS ALL THE TIME in heartbreaking and brand new fashion every time is your new god.
Ya wanna know what it’s like being an NU football fan? It’s like getting ready to have sex with a girl and she slips your dick out of your pants, starts to blow you, then yanks the zipper up on your pants as hard as she can. And then says she also got herpes from MICK MCCALL'S ****ING PLAYBOOK.
THERE IS LITERALLY NO POSSIBLE SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES THAT COULD GET OUR OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR FIRED.
Don’t tell me it’ll get better. don’t tell me how to feel my feelings. I don’t want to hear “but you have such nice new facilities and do so much with limited talent.” I don’t want to hear about how I just have to wait for a good Quarterback recruit. I DID MY WAITING. 25 ****ING YEARS FOR HUNTER JOHNSON. CLAYTON THORSON DIED FOR THIS. JUST TO PUNT THE BALL ON EVERY SINGLE DRIVE BECAUSE WE CAN'T MAKE ANY PLAY GO FOR MORE THAN 3 YARDS.
One day I’ll die and the misery of being an NU fan will be over. I’ll be walking to take my place in heaven, I’ll get 10 yards from the pearly gates, full of bliss and happiness with all my suffering over, there will be sweet calming music, and then all of a sudden from out of nowhere I’ll hear old, decrepit Mick McCall sigh and say, “The play is QB roll right, get ****ing sacked” The music stops, dread fills my stomach, everything turns dark. Just then, a bright light shows up and Fitz appears. I feel the warmth again, everything will be alright. He leans forward as if to tell me something wonderful and whispers almost inaudibly, “RPOs are the purest form of Communism” then kicks me right in the dick and shoves me off the edge to fall into a dark room with my eyes taped open to watch this ****ing game on repeat for the rest of eternity.
