To the tune of Fins (Jimmy Buffett)
He arrived from Willamette Valley
He was the backup in the plan.
Looking for a legal scholar,
The trustees gave him full command.
And now he’s drowning in a shitstorm.
Plaintiff lawyers pounding on the door.
They hang outside the locker room,
And they look for kids who feel sore.
Can't you feel them circling, Schilly?
Can't you feel them swimming around?
You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
And they aim to steal your crown.
Oh-whoa, oh-whoa
You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
And the deepest pockets to be found.
This is gonna cost lots of money,
Now that Crump is on the way.
Salvi’s the man with the bright spray-on tan
Hanging out on Randy Walker Way
But the money's good when the papers
Help to hype up the shame,
Boys went awry as the years went by
Now it’s time to assign the blame.
Can't you feel 'em closing in, Schilly?
Can't you feel 'em schooling around?
You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
And allegations all around.
Pissed off Purple fandom
Disagree on who’s the goat.
They couldn’t just keep it quiet.
Now Richardson gets to gloat.
And it feels like things are over
With our laundry hung out to dry.
Each new day brings a different claim
From the sharks that wear the cheap ties.
Can't you feel 'em circling, Wildcats?
Can't you feel 'em schoolin' around?
You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
And you're the only bait in town.
You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
And you're the biggest bait in town.
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